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Coding Blog Coding Blog: I'm a freak
Posted by HopeSeekr on Friday, September 24 @ 19:34:24 CDT
Contributed by HopeSeekr

"You're a lousy human being." "you're a freak." "You're an idiot." For those who didn't know, the Gentoo CEO wrote 7/8ths of the post below this one...the only thing I wrote was the second paragraph. I even had "freaks" in quotes, to show that it wasn't really applicable to all the aMule developers. Just ask yourself why there is so much hostility here...all I really asked for was sympathy + support, instead I get hate...I guess i must be a lousy human being after all. Thanks for rubbing it in, now why do you deserve my free time again? aMule is based upon xMule. Without my support aMule would never exist as I was coding for months while Kry was sitting around due to not being able to afford an internet connection (which I offered to pay for him but couldn't because Western Union charged $75 to send $50 to Europe). You guys really make me sad for humanity. Such callousness.

Jesus christ. i get abused at home by my parents and online at xmule.ws. Be fucking glad you are a fucking awesome human being, becuase I obviously am not! GOD DAMN WHAT I WOULD DO NOT TO GET ABUSED!!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ITS LIKE NOT TO BE ACCEPTED BY ANY ONE ! TO BE UNLOVED! i despise flamers [abusers] on days like this. Serial killers aren't born, they're manufactured by society. Look into each one's history and you won't find them evil at birth, you'll find the people they were born to were evil and those around them were too. And every fucking time, in every fucking story, no one *ever* *ever* risks their lives to save them, help them...there's usually some 'trigger' -- some event where people have pushed them over the edge and they finally "realize" (due to a shortsighted belief that *all* people are like the few they know) that humans suck. I AM THE ONE THAT HELPS ! i AM THE ONE WHO SHOWS PEOPLE I CARE! God forbid a single hurled insult towards another catches my ear, for i DO NOT stand by placidly... I KNOW HOW PAINFUL WORDS ARE! I KNOW THAT THEY DONT BREAK BONES: THEY BREAK SPIRITS THEY BREAK POTENTIALS THEY BREAK DESTINIES!! WORDS ARE MORE HARMFUL THAN BRUISES -- as a receiver of both most of my life, I KNOW. So I'm trying to do what i KNOW is best for humanity while getting flack about it from every corner, and this saddens me to no end...fortunately, omfg so fortunately, it's only 366 days before I can reunite with Persa! Have you ever had the love of your life forciably ripped from your arms? Ever thought about fighting injustice when you see it, just because yuou are a caring human being? Sad to say, most never fight... this is humanity's terminal illness.

Note: If you flame *this* article, you are a sick, sad individual unworthy of living in a free country...this is heartful opinion.


 
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"I'm a freak" | Login/Create an Account | 5 comments | Search Discussion
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Open Letter to Xaignar of aMule (Score: 1)
by HopeSeekr on Friday, September 24 @ 20:04:11 CDT
(User Info )
Note: I personally highly respect Xaignar as he is a very sane, intelliigent and collected individual. Since this thread of my life has already become so personal, and since you guys seem to feast off pain, here's some more for you.

---------------

if i've ever directly or indirectly hurt any one emotional, financially,
spiritually, intellectually at aMule I *need* to know now so I can promptly not
only apologize, but also make some adequate form of restitution...

I realized now that I've been blinded *so* long by the abuse i've obviously
received, mostly from other people, that I haven't honestly interrogated
myself...I realize I've lashed out at you guys several times in the past, and I
also readily (now) realize the reason aMule was such an effective vent was that
I fear for my life if I lashed out at the other abusers in my life :-/

Fortunately, as I have progressed in the last year from a shell-shocked,
devastated, thoroughly beaten-down slave to more of my past vibrant self, my
attacks against aMule have also reciprocally dropped. (at the same time it
seems the hate from xMule itself seems to have reciprocally increased heh)

I have personally never to my knowledge directed *ANY* negative comments against
your person either in public nor private with the sole exception of the claim
(which I have told you perosnally numerous times) that I feel your involvement
with abusers is complicity in their crimes. I'm sure your link to xMule fueled
the latent abusers who have congregated over at aMule and that this is the
reason for such voluminous hatespeak on xMule recently.

NOw...that said...have I ever hurt some one at aMule physically, emotionally,
spiritually, fiscally or intellectually? E.g. has any one ever cried because of
something I have done? If so, I *MUST* make restitution immediately to the best
of my ability! I trust, however, that my attacks haven't been a) nearly as
personal (I have NEVER called somone "a lousy human being"), b) mirrored by
nearly as many people (i've never once seen any attacks against any aMule people
ever, yet attacks against me abound), and c) let's face it...few people have
been so abused, beaten-down, and had their lives literlaly torn apart and thier
lovers ripped from their grasping hands all in the last 9 months...

But if I have hurt someone, i *REALLY* want to apologize and make ammends now!
Thanks,
Ted




Re: I'm afreak (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Saturday, September 25 @ 11:39:31 CDT
Kry here.

I'm not flaming.

[quote]Without my support aMule would never exist as I was coding for months while Kry was sitting around due to not being able to afford an internet connection (which I offered to pay for him but couldn't because Western Union charged $75 to send $50 to Europe).[/quote]

a) Without you, aMule wouldn't exist - you forces lmule and xMule developers, except you, to create a new project.

b) My economic problems concerns only me, and the few people I tell them. You just shown the worst of you spreading around if I have problems to afford my internet conenction. It is YOU who always asks for donations, while I NEVER said people to donate aMule or me. My monetary problems are MINE, and you are NOONE to talk about them. I'm only ashamed to have though of you as a person and so that I could talk to you about my problem,s one year ago.

c) You NEVER, NEVER,, NEVER, NEVER told me that you would give me money for my inet connection, _NEITHER I would have accepted it. Instead, you said that you had though about it, but realized that it would be pointless to show 'charity' to other developers. (I HAVE LOGS!).

d) This post remsembles some physical menaces you said to me and other aMule developers. You 'serial killers' and 'harm physically' references reminds so much of your personal menaces (who had even made me think about leaving development before you came to kill me or something), that I have only one more thing to say:

e) JUST *****ING LEAVE ME ALONE, THEODORE R. SMITH.








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